Saturday, June 18, 2011

"I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist"

My go-to phrase for as long as I can remember.

The main thing I've felt the Lord has been revealing to me is, as it says in 1st Corinthians, that God chooses to use the foolish things to shame the things that are strong, or think they are strong (i.e. me). I've been praying and praying that the world would be redefined to me, that I would look in the world of the unseen, and not just rely on "evidence" of the things that are seen, as it often what is most natural to do. I guess my biggest struggle would be seeing that with people, ironically; people and discipleship are my passion. It's funny how our biggest developments are often correlated with our greatest strengths.

On a side note: There are so many beautiful qualities in women... Obviously we are more emotional, but beyond that, many women are able to read below the surface. They possess a natural intuition, and a sensitivity that takes them to depths of places they would never anticipate. They are able to see and reach into one another's lives, into brokenness and pain, and bring healing. I know not EVERY woman is the same, but it is safe to assume that most women can read between the lines.

But when does reading between the lines become too much?

When does picking up on vibes become just over analyzing?

When does discernment become a critical spirit?

I've been praying and asking the Lord this for what feels like every minute this week. So many memories I have of myself discerning something about someone and allowing it to become permission to gather conclusions that were never mine to gather. I repent often, catching myself jumping the gun yet again. It begins in the moment we stop walking in the spirit, and start walking in the flesh. I've always felt that I was just one of those people who call it like they see it. I am guilty of having done this on so many occasions, speaking death about someone; whether it was in my mind or to another and it breaks my heart. I suppose if we as Christians desire to live counter-culturally, nothing will make sense if we see things with eyes of this world.

I desire to be the kind of mother and wife who speaks life, who never uses the gifts God has given me to spew venom. How is it possible, as James says, to have "both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?"

I thank the Lord every day for his patience with me, how He is always willing to suffer long in the midst of my stubbornness. And yet like the Father, He always convicts me and pulls me forward, never allowing me to stay in my sin. It seems the answer then is not to just pretend and ignore what we discern, but to pull love from the Father and walk out in His spirit. To operate in the realm of agape love.

Oh that I could be more like Him.

To love the way the You love, Lord.
To see the way that You see, Father.

And so, the solution:
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things." [Philippians. 4:8]

amor vincit omnia,

-sinner saved by grace.

1 comment:

tara.elizabeth said...

Thanks for kicking my butt.
When are we going to see one another? Really. 100%.